my little missionary

So, this weekend, Flor and I were driving home from a friend's house. I was telling her how blessed I am to have her in my life, etc. Out of no where she said, "But moma, I have to go back to Guatemala." Immedietely my heart breaks because I think she means that she thinks she has to leave. I said, "No baby, you're staying with me forever." Then the part that melts my heart, "But moma, when I grow up I have to go back to hold the babies. They need me."

*sigh*

she told me she'd miss me. I assured her that I would visit her just like my daddy used to visit me. I told her maybe she'd find her daughter in Guatemala. Then she asked me who found me in Guatemala. :)

crazy in my old age

I'm losing my mind.

On Tuesday, leaving CVS I unlocked my car, started my car, then looked for my keys for TWO WHOLE MINUTES before realizing the radio was on and that I had started my car already.

So today I rushed home to change, then get Flor, then get to church to take the pictures for our directory. After taking pictures and viewing pictures for almost an hour, I leave only to notice that I have on TWO DIFFERENT SHOES.

Go Amanda!

I wish I may, I wish I might...

Our conversation on the way home from choir practice went something like this:

"Moma, I wish I could see God."
-"Me too! We'll see Him when we get to heaven."

"Why?"
-"Because even though He's everywhere, we will get to see Him with we get to heaven."

"Can we see Granny?"
-"Yes."

"Everytime I see one of those little white things (star) I wish to see Granny."

"Moma, I see one! (at the star:) Please can I see Granny? Please?"

2 minutes later, looking up at the sky...

"When can I see Granny? Monday? Wednesday? Saturday?"

She has such a sweet heart.

Our GOD!

So, let's say I got something in the mail today that really upset and worried me. Let's say that it had me on the verge of tears on my way to drop Flor off from school. Then imagine a sweet little brown eyed girl saying, "Moma, you wanna hear a song?" and before I could even say 'sure', she chimes in: "Our God is greater! Our God is stronger! Our God is higher than any other!" (and then of course she repeats because those are the only words she knows. But man, was God comforting me this morning! I've been trying to give it Him and felt better almost immediately. Just now when I left work to come home for lunch, guess what was the first song I heard on the radio... yep. Did I get the message? Its something I've definitely got to do something about, but it doesn't matter how big our problems are... OUR GOD IS GREATER!!

make a joyful noise

I've been so excited the past couple of weeks. I auditioned for the choir at my church, and gracefully was asked to join! I've attended one practice so far and, let me just say, I'm in love. It has been 3 years since I've sang anywhere but in the car and I already feel part of myself that I'd lost coming back. I'd felt so busy and distracted by life, that I didn't feel like I could give anymore time to anyone else. Singing makes me happy. Now if I'd just pick up my guitar again. :-/

July 18, 1998

It was brought to my attention that 12 years ago today I arrived in Guatemala for the first time. How crazy is that?!? It seems like it was only yesterday and at the same time it was so long ago it seems like a dream. I remember feeling so torn the day before we left and even on the plane ride there. I remember my eyes being opened for the first time in my life when I stepped out of that plane. My heart was filled and broken all at the same time. I'd never had so many snotty little noses and dirty little hands rubbed all over me, and I never remember feeling more at peace. I arrived a selfish 18 year old without a care in the world, but I left with the weight of little Guatemalan souls on the heart.
I had no idea on that day how God would direct my life from there. I had no idea that He was birthing in my heart a mother's love for one little black eyed doll in particular. I am overwhelmed by the thought of it.

Kindergarten

My sweet baby girl will be starting kindergarten in exactly one month. I really can't believe how time has flown. I remember the first day I layed eyes on her. She just looked up at me with those chocolate eyes and smiled, so sweetly. She was just 15 months old then. Now 4 years and 4 months later, she's 5.5 years old and soon I'll be shopping for a full size backpack for her to fill with school supplies.
It's such a bittersweet feeling. I am so proud of her and how smart she is and how big she's getting. I'm so excited to see all that she will learn and how much she'll grow as a person over the next year. I'm terrified that it may be hard for people to understand her. I pray that people will be understanding and patient with her, teachers and students. But I also know that her speech is improving every single day.
I keep reminding myself to enjoy every moment because I will wake up tomorrow and she will be graduating.

Happy 5th of July!!

.. and hope you had a happy 4th yesterday!!

Flor and I spent the day with our very amazing family. Swimming, eating, swimming, eating homemade ice cream (which by the way is not served enough in my opinion), and awesome fireworks were a perfect end to the perfect day!

Flor and I were both off today, so after doing a few loads of laundry, we set off for Big Spring Park where we got rid of some seriously stale bread to feed some seriously huge goldfish! I swear there was one that had to be bigger than Flor! To cool off, she played in the fountain downtown. She played doctor to me and poured cold water on my feet.

It's been a great weekend. I'm counting down the days until Flor starts Kindergarten. I really can't believe that she's this old already. I pray everyday that she is ready. I pray for her protection. I pray for her to thrive in every thing that she attempts. She'll start soccer in August too, which we are both super excited about!

Our day in court

So, again, today was Flor's finalization of adoption. It went very smoothly. We (Chris, Flor, Daddy, and I) met my lawyer in front of the probate office and he told us that the judge was out for the afternoon. Luckily there was someone who could fill in for him in our hearing. She didn't tell me to raise my right hand, but I did swear to tell "the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God." Chris told me later I should have raised my hand, but she didn't tell me too and I thought about it, but before I could react I was in the middle of being sworn in, then it would've been obvious I had no idea what to do. But anyway, she asked me a series of questions and my lawyer asked me some more, including, "Were you asked to spend an accessive amount of money?", "Has anyone approached you, claiming to be related to her or wanting to adopt her?", and several other questions. I really started to feel hot, like I was in one of those police questioning rooms, where even if you did nothing wrong you were about to get in trouble for something. haha! The cutest thing that I will never forget is how the lady overseeing our hearing asked Flor how old she was. "Five.", "Are you in kindergarten?", "Not yet.",' "Are you excited about it?", "Do you want me to sing my ABC's?", "Of course I do!", "A,B,C,D...," And she proceeded to sing her ABC's very proudly. It was about the cutest thing I've ever seen. So, in about 1/2 an hour we were done and had our pictures taken and hopefully in a few months I'll have 3 new birth certificates for Flor. We celebrated with dinner at Chedder's. :) It was good day.

He is still faithful

I'm not sure if I wrote about it here, but on the way to Birmingham for Flor's surgery, my car broke down. It's been frustrating and stressful not having a car, having to rely on others even more to help out with getting Flor and taking me places, borrowing cars, vans, SUVs, trucks..., whatever you've got. I've gone some days without a car. Honestly, looking back, its always worked out. I've never been stuck in one place when I needed to be in another.

All the while, I am so blessed to have the best daddy in the world, who also just so happens to know a little bit about mechanics. So, for basically the same price, he's replacing the entire engine instead of just the transmission. I don't know what I'd do without him.

So, this week, someone asked me what God was teaching me through all of this. Uh, well.... besides patience?? (always)... I had no idea. So this got me thinking and I asked God what He wanted to show me. My answer has been humbling.

Back up a few months.

Recently I've been thinking about my move home from Guatemala. I know that it was meant for me to begin the adoption process. I moved home and out on my own again, got a "real" job, and began taking care of things myself. There is the problem right there. In Guatemala, it didn't matter how many bills I paid or what problem arose, I knew that God had moved his people to give and through them He provided my every need. Every single one. Well, now I just take care of things with the money I make from the jobs I go to 5 to 6 days a week, right? And when the end of the month comes and money is tight, I silently panic. But I make it work and get my next paycheck and the cycle repeats itself. I'm not kidding. This has been my life for the past several months. And maybe it's everyone's life. Maybe that's just how it works here.

So, when asked what God was showing me through all of this, I had to think about it. It hit me like a ton of bricks. His faithfulness. I've driven five different vehicles in 8 weeks and asked for favors to get from here to there more times than I can remember. He provided what I needed. I'm beginning to think that there was more than an answer to prayer in my car breaking down. (I prayed for safety, which apparently was not going to happen in my car!) If my car hadn't broken down, He wouldn't have been able to prove to me that He is still faithful.