Today I felt so exhausted. Not really sure why. Tonight was one of those nights that really make me wish I stayed at home with Flor. Sometimes I have a little pity party and only invite myself. I think of how unfair it is for Flor that I have to keep working... blah, blah, blah... seriously?!? Would she be better off without me?!? No way, Jose. I know that God sees this desire in my heart and that one day I will be able to do just that, until then I do what I have to do.
Every day I see more and more of myself in her. Some things that freakishly make up her own little personality, that I had nothing to do with, but that are so me... other things that she so sweetly copies from her favorite person in the world... that'd be me. Either way, there is no doubt in my mind that she was born my daughter. I wish I could explain it to make people understand. It's not some great thing I've done here... It's not that I've "saved" her from whatever life she would have had... This is just the way it has to be. There is no way around us being together. Both of our lives have taken us down these paths..., paths that have crossed and now intertwined!
4 months ago
4 comments:
My dear sweet Amanda,
Trust me, I understand about how tired you must be. I once thought I would rest when Kerrie grew up..and then there was Kaylin and Eli. You know how much I love them..he cried to come home with me tonight so after a long day at work I brought them home... I know what your thinking... what the cow pattie does this have to do with me and my story.... well I guess not much... just feeling your desire to stay at home I guess.?
I think of you often...saw your car yesterday after leaving the doctor's office. The Lord sees your desires...may He make a way when there doesn't seem to be one! Flor is one adorable little girl. I'm so glad you have each other!
Beautifully written!!!1 Feeling your pain.
I completely understand it all!
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