These past few weeks have been a little overwhelming. I feel like I have so many "balls in the air". There have been some things that have come in out of no where and taken me so off guard, almost knocked me off my feet. Worrying about details that I can't control anyway. Concerned about details that may not matter. Wanting to figure it all out before I get there. I want a road map that shows me before hand which way I'm going to take and where it is I'll end up. I want to see the puzzle box lid, so I can know that I know that I know that I'm putting the right pieces together. I want it laid out in front of me, so it won't take any kind of faith at all. I just want to hear God say, follow me this way, then pull the rope tied around my waist, so I don't have to make any decisions or do any work.
As you're reading this, you're thinking the same thing I am: that's just not how it works. Listening to Pastor Rusty this morning brought back to mind an old lesson that God showed me several years ago. He said this morning, "We would love to take the easy way out, but God didn’t promise us the easy way, but he did promise us he would take us through… and that means we will come out the other side. ...He is faithful and true."
In Luke 8:22, Jesus gets in the boat and says, "Let us cross to the other side of the lake." That alone should have given the disciples faith. He said it, it was as if it was already done. In March of 2007, God said to me, "This is your daughter which I have given you, Flor de Maria." And in truth, that has many, many times given me the strength to keep going, because God spoke it to me. Do you know that His Word is His Promise? But just as the disciples, when even the littlest storm comes along and shakes my boat, I panic. I try to take control of the situation, and I'd "like to figure out now please, if you don't mind, okay? thanks." I rush to wake him up, screaming, "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO??! HOW AM I GOING TO DO THIS!?" Then there he goes, sitting up ever so calmly, he rubs the sleepy from his eyes, and says, "Oh ye of little faith.." And my heart sinks. And every time I am brought back to his promises. I am reminded of how much he loves me, how much he loves Flor. You want to know the best verse of this story to me? Verse 26, "They landed in the region of the Gerasenes, which is just across the lake from Galilee." Do you hear that? Whadda ya know... He kept his word. They crossed the lake. Want to know something else? I HAVE A DAUGHTER!! She will be a Tomlin on paper soon, just as she always has been in my heart. And although she is not in my arms forever yet, she will be in just a few short weeks and God's work is not finished yet.
He didn't promise this road would be easy. But he did promise he'd be with me. He can calm my storms and hopefully I will learn the invaluable lessons he is trying to show me through them. Once again I realize I am only clay in his hands and he is molding me to become the mother that Flor needs to guide her in the direction HE has for her. That is a crazy huge, but amazingly awesome responsibility. My only hope is that He will be with me the entire time. We are on the other side of the lake, but there are more miracles in store.
I feel like I have a lot of turns and decisions and things coming up soon. I feel like nothing is settled (like I said, lots of balls in the air) and I would really appreciate your prayers for peace and discernment, knowing what direction God would have me to go, leaning on Him alone for that direction, and trusting that He will see me (us) through to the other side.
Just think... it won't be long at all until I am holding her in my arms!!! FOREVER!!! 
... and that priceless smile...
Bill also sent me an email with a little video, which just made me cry because it shows Flor running to Mama Shyrel to point me out to her in the picture!! You can here her say, "Amanda" while she's pointing to the bottom right of the picture (which of course is where I am!) :)
